Brene Brown

I'm writing a book (and, thus, trying to stay very disciplined on the long-write instead of the short-post-writes) but came upon this great TED presentation (thanks Janet!), perfect for both today's drafting and New Year's intention.

 

 

Comments

[annemarie diepeveen]

iwatched.the vulnerability video. very interesting. but why can some people be vulnerable and others not? i think the people who can,t be vuln. are the most deeply wounded. they ARE the wound, identified unconsciously with it, so if they felt vulnerable they would be afraid to loose their identidy.only when you have a strong enough ego, can you allow yourself to be vulnerable, meaning woundable. if you are rejected, it hurts,but your identity stays intact. someone who iS a walking wound,can,t afford being vulnerable, they feel they are it all the time., so there behaviour is anger,violence,depression. and the world iis full of them. they are the people we really have to give attention and accept as very wounded, rather than as very bad. this is what i think,so,it may not be true and i would love responds. annemarie diepeveen

[Jeanne Supin]

Hi Annemarie,
I can't begin to speculate why different folks can or can't be vulnerable - I can barely figure out why I have trouble with vulnerability when I do. But your thoughts seem pretty compelling, especially when you suggest that beneath anger, violence and depression may lie deep wounds that deserve our compassion and love, rather than disgust.

Decades ago I worked in juvenile court and child welfare at the height of the crack cocaine epidemic. I learned the addicted mothers who were losing their kids had experienced traumas in their own childhoods; almost all had be sexually abused and/or were raised by parents with active alcoholism or drug addictions, were neglected, many physically abused. Psychologists found these mothers -- despite their chronological adult age -- had emotional ages of around 8-9 years old. Those facts completely altered my perceptions of the courts and child welfare scene. The judge assumed she was talking to a grown woman about the steps necessary to get her kids back -- get a job, find a stable apartment, stay in treatment. But, in fact, the woman standing before that judge was emotionally as immature as any normal 3rd grader, still confused, battered and longing for the adults to take care of her, for the world to feel safe & make sense.

We are always accountable for our own thoughts, actions, words and decisions. (And I do believe each of us can find ways to soften our own selves, open up to safe vulnerability in ways that feel good.) But before passing judgment on others -- or offering either punishment or help -- it's best if we know where they're coming from.

Thanks. Jeanne