Not So Grounded

Coming Clean

I rarely get comments about my column Grounded in All About Women.  Okay the rare exceptions were John's and my wedding photos (my editor's idea since our wedding was the day my column was due and I had only kindasorta written part of it).  And a few months later when I wrote what I affectionately refer to as "OMG, I'm such a bitch!" essay (Download LetGoAllow.doc).  But this months seems to have hit something 'cause I'm getting compliments from strangers.  Someone even asked Darling Daughter if she'd read it, to which she replied, "No 'cause I looked at the title, "Coming Clean" and I really didn't want to know what my Mom was coming clean about this month ..." 

Anyway, I'm not a compliment hound or anything, but the comments just seem to reinforce an overall impression that the whole world seems to be going woo-woo.  I'm sure I'm exaggerating, but it's kinda alot of people nonetheless.

Which leads to our last Woo Woo Wednesday which somehow got to be all about Time.  That the very nature and frequency of time is changing.  It's different from our perception that time's just speeding up, getting more breathless.  Rather, time's actual cycles per second are increasing which will cause the qualities, tenor and characteristics of time to change.

I haven't a clue what that means, except we were told that time is essential and today is already tomorrow.  Which suggests we're best off living right now the life we most dream of, grabbing tight to those imaginings that bring us the most peace.

(It also reminds me of one of my memorable books, Einstein's Dreams, by MIT physicist & writing prof Alan Lightman.  Set in Berne, Switzerland in 1905, each of the 30 short chapters describes a different quality of time dreamt each night by Einstein the young patent clerk.)

Of course, it also reminds me that it's way too late for a middle-aged mom to be awake so I'm off to bed ...   

Take Back the Night & Our Highest & Best Selves

A friend and colleague, Christine Sita Dave, wrote and spoke these words at a recent Take Back the Night event in our town.  Several of us thought it should be posted, so I offered this blog. 

DEAREST HIGHER SELF,

            I AM NO LONGER THIS CHILD THAT WAS BEATEN BY A HUMAN FATHER. THAT WITNESSED COUNTLESS ABUSES TO MOTHER, BROTHER AND SISTERS.

            

I AM NO LONGER GRIEVING THE DEATH OF A PHYSICAL MOTHER.

            

I AM NO LONGER THE 16 YEARS OF AGE PERSON THAT WAS RAPED BY A MALE RELATIVE.

            

I AM NO LONGER A PHYSICAL BODY TO BE USED BY PHYSICAL BEINGS.

            

I AM NO LONGER THIS PAST HISTORY OF SUFFERING WITHIN SPIRIT AND SOUL.

                     

I AM NO LONGER MY IN-LAWS' NEMESIS OF NEGATIVITY CONNECTIONS.

I AM NO LONGER BOUND BY KARMIC ACTIONS.

            

I AM NO LONGER UNSEEN IN MY PURPOSEFUL WORK – OFFERED DIVINELY AND INSPIRED DIVINELY.

            

I AM A CHILD OF GENTLE AND LOVING GODS AND GODDESSES.

            

I AM A SPIRITUAL BEING THAT EXISTS TO OFFER WHAT HUMANITY HAS SUFFERED AND TURN THAT SUFFERING INTO A GARLAND OF BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS.

            

I AM THE LIGHT, I AM LIGHT. I SHINE WITH ALL RADIANCE GOD HAS OFFERED TO MY SPIRIT SOUL.

            

I AM, I AM, I EXIST.

          

I, I, I, AND HE ARE TOTALLY ONE TOGETHER, NOW AND ALWAYS.

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN, AMEN, AMEN.

WITH SHANTI AND NAMASKAR TO INNER DIVINE SELF.

GO IN PEACE. 

      

I know it's been ages ...

I've spent the last month in one small North Carolina town after another asking people about mental health, substance abuse, and developmental disability services in their area.  My sense of it all is way too mixed to describe succinctly, so here are my ramblings ...

First of all, it was a job -- I was hired to help half dozen agencies determine service needs, and I make a point of always feeling honored and disciplined when working for any of my clients.  Plus these are great agencies. 

Second, I'm always awed when I spend time with folks navigating lives far more challenging than mine:  schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, alcohol and drug addictions ... these are some of the toughest diseases we have, recovery requires active decisions and participation every single day, one day at a time.  I suspect I would get far more discouraged if I wore their shoes.  But without exception the folks I interviewed said they want the same things my friends & I want:  meaningful work; education; opportunities to volunteer and feel part of their communities; the ability to live self-sufficiently; good health care; an affordable chance to join a gym, go to the movies, and socialize with their friends.  I was regularly reminded the stuff that can wig out my little ol' simple life is really trivial in the big scheme of things.  Reminds me to be grateful about everything.

Third, I could feel the stigma.  We bend over backwards to help those with diabetes or heart disease or cancer.  But see someone on the corner muttering to herself and we can't cross that street fast enough.  Never occurs to us this is a disease.  We're uncomfortable when illnesses affect the brain as opposed to the heart or the lungs or our endocrine system.  We wouldn't dream of denying proven treatments to a diabetic and telling her to stay out of sight and just get over it.  But we do that all the time to folks with mental and addiction disorders.  Plus, we call them "crazy."      

And finally, many of these communities really are dying.  The whole month I had this eerie sensation I was on the front-lines of a dying empire.  Less and less money for services -- that don't even really cost a whole lot to begin with and have oodles of research demonstrating success.  Fewer & fewer infrastructure resources -- virtually no public transportation, little support, few community centers, no decent, affordable housing.  Large businesses left years ago and now the educators, doctors, social workers, and 20-somethings looking for decent jobs & lifestyles are fleeing.  Everyone else -- not just those with disabilities -- is falling through the cracks. We're spending trillions of dollars on the Iraq fiasco, underwriting huge corporations with questionable public return-on-investment, while huge numbers of small, local communities are plain dying.

Back home I'm sorting through the data, for my reports and for my life.