Goodbye - Hello

We're Off To See the Wizard ...

Our first official college tour.  (Okay officially it's her fourth but I didn't go with her on most earlier ones.  I think I was chicken. Thanksgiving '07, Bellingham, Mike walked her around Western WA; Thanksgiving '08 she spent with Elise & did the full shabang at UC Santa Barbara - she found it too large and overwhelming; this July we walked Western WA again and she attended a dance class, pretty proud of herself for having the guts.  Liked it well enough and so happy to be dancing again during her long summer hiatus.)

So, our first official college tour together.  Finally made it out of town around 6:00, got as far as Damascus VA (a whopping hour) where we had beef stew (me) and a hot steak & cheese sandwich (Maddy) at Dot's Restaurant.  A guy with lite dreds correctly answered every Wheel of Fortune question on the tv suspended over the smoky bar.  The food and the sunset were great.  Maddy decided to blow off college and together buy (me) and run (her) a farm in Damascus.  As we drove through town we called John with the new plan and few minutes later he'd googled 37 acres and a farmhouse available for $265,000.  

I fear we're not taking this seriously enough.

It's just shy of midnight and we're in a Holiday Inn Express somewhere up I-81 in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley.  Maddy still feels crappy from a long-lingering croupy cough and head crud, but I figure we'll sleep fine.  We actually have a scheduled set of tours and an interview tomorrow.  I vaguely worry I may not have the right mom-of-prospective-student clothes.   

Best Laid Plans ...

Maddy had a Plan.  Tired of school mid-junior year she decided she would take a gap year after graduation and do Americorp's National Civilian Community Corp, in Denver or Sacramento.  It's a cool program -- 18-24 year olds live on a campus in small groups and fan out across the country for various 2-3 week service projects.  Trail cutting, house-repair, storm cleaning for a total of ten months.  Then back home with $4500 in college money.  It was a great plan.

Until school started, the college race began, her friends visiting schools with a frenzy, working on applications, freaking out about leaving home.  And Maddy panicked.  She suddenly felt uncertain about what she might feel certain about come next August.  Maybe she'll want to take a year off and Do Good.  Maybe she'll want to move to California with her friend Chloe, get an airless studio apartment and a couple of minimum wage jobs and get residency.  Or maybe she'll want to share a cramped dorm room with another kind of freaked 18 year old on a bucolic campus and complain about Freshman Writing & Composition like half the other 18 year olds across the country.  

Suddenly my clear and decisive daughter is lost without a decision.  Which panics me a little, too. 

But I won't let her know that.  Instead, (admittedly, softly glad to feel useful with this sudden reappearance of her need for a Mom) I'm nurturing a new Plan.  Exploring All Options plan.  We'll look at schools more earnestly.  We'll explore our California connections.  She can apply to Americorps.  And we'll maintain confidence that the right choice will emerge at the right time.

All the while reminding her again that the hype's not worth the worry.  Sure, the decision's important but not life-threatening important.  Not even life-changing important.  And certainly not Right and Wrong important.  All the options are wonderful, all the roads carry her to cool new experiences and destinations, and she will enjoy any journey she picks.

As our friend Chris says, it's all Good.

Hopefully we'll remember that.